Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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