Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
