omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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