I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
