I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
