my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize