You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
