And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
