Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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