What did we do last night that was yellow?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
