please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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