First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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