For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
