I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
