I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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