whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize