I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize