I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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