she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have already put on my inside pants.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize