you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
