Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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