So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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