I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
