BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
