Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
