I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
