I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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