I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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