The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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