i jhust puked up my retainher.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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