He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
