It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
