Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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