I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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