I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
