He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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