i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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