I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also, beer. Big fan.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
