he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize