I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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