I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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