if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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