Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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