Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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