You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
love makes seman taste better
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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