Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's blow job season.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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