it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
