Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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