I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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