Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
