as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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