whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
