I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
