hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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