Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
