There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
