bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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