im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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