No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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