My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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