i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
