You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
