Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
