sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need moral support for this bender
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
