mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
