So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
BRING THE BAGELS
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
