I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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